Tears

Create words to express how you are feeling, how do I explain my rush of thoughts? Am I feeling the loss of the baby, the insanity of the night my body couldn’t manage the miscarriage, or the leaving right after all this unfolded? Every time we leave, I’m forced to not only deal with the loss of a baby, but the loss of familiarity. What is the purpose in this? I don’t know what I’m hurting from the most. I want to freaking scream…

 

You see smiles, I feel tears

You see laughter, I feel heart ache

You see me for what you think; I’m wishing someone would see what I truly am

My tears are filling up my smiles

My heartache is breaking my laughter

My identity is hidden inside in my lie

When tears blend into your smiles, you lose yourself

When laughter becomes your shield, how much longer can you last?

I wish someone could see my pain

You learn to hide it, when you lose your ability to communicate pain

Successful lies, lead to sadden state

I want laughter filled with heart

I want tears that come from the laughter when my heart sings

I want to shine so bright to break down my self inflicted walls

I don’t want to feel pain; I want to feel the swell in my heart from joy

I look forward to the day where I exhale pain, and inhale comfort

Until that day, I will work towards laughing from the truest point inside myself

Tears will fall from sadness, until they come from joy

My shield will continue to shrink, until it completely disappears

One breath at time, one smile at a time, and one laugh at time

All takes time, but time I will take for myself